I have struggled to find the words to start blogging. I have been thinking of writing for years. I wanted to capture the feelings during Steph’s initial cancer in 2015. While the prognosis was good, it was emotionally challenging to face mortality and consider that we may not be here forever, and maybe not even for our children’s childhood. I wanted to blog when we left Portland in 2018; to capture the highs and lows of life aboard a sailboat with four kids and two dogs. My wife did a great job on facebook.com/livethevoyage. I managed to write 12 blog posts before I gave up. I wanted to blog during Steph’s recurrence of cancer. The anticipatory grief and the ensuing grief after her loss. During my grief journey, I just didn’t know how to start. Then I put on my big girl panties (as Steph would say), after nearly 3 years, and went for a run today.
And this is grief…9 minute miles over the course of a half marathon a few years has been replaced by not being able to run for two minutes without walking. As I walked and cooled down I reflected on this terrible performance. Then I smiled. I WENT FOR A RUN! It wasn’t pretty. It was slightly embarrassing, but it was a run.
Just like this is my first blog post. Slightly embarrassing, not enlightening or a grand entrance. But it’s a start. And every journey begins with one step. Just like our two wonderful years sailing began by raising the anchor.